Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
