I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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