i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
