I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
