we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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