so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
