Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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