Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Randomize
