dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
