i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
