You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
