How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
40s are totally the cure
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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