The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
