i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
