Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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