I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
