I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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