he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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