i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
