Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
