You made me cry and you don't even care
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
