thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
