How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
