C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
