he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
His hands were made for my vagina.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
