is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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