I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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