how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
