Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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