what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
