Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
