Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Oh god it's open bar.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
