At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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