rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
