College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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