Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
