I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
