its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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