hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
