i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
