bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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