Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Green mimosas i think yes
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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