we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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