Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
