I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just invented taco cereal.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
