i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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