do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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