i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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