How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
