I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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